i want to be angry

by

I am amazed sometimes (many times) at the immorality and cruelty of people. When you have done nothing untoward to them, they still think it’s a fine idea to steal your debit card, credit card and all the cash in your wallet, then go ahead and spend $300 at Rite Aid. If you’re asking yourself, “Did this happen to this guy?” the answer is “Why yes. Yes it did.” And if you’re asking yourself, “How can someone spend $300 at Rite Aid?” well, I don’t have an answer for that.

I know exactly when it happened and exactly who it was (well, what they look like anyway), and my first thought after realizing what had happened was to find them and pummel them into a bloody heap, maybe breaking their jaw and hopefully both their arms, as well. My thoughts raced at the revenge I would exact upon them for the fiscal hurt they had inflicted upon me.

Then after a few minutes I came back to my senses and realized that what’s done is done, with my favorite phrase “It is what it is” repeating over and over in my mind. I steadied my breathing and felt my pulse start to slow down. I started to relax.

the change of heart

But then something didn’t feel quite…well, quite right. I realized I didn’t want to be calmed down. For probably the first time in my life I realized that I wanted to be pissed off. I wanted to punch that brick wall. I wanted to walk into my kitchen, shout and throw my hat against the wall. I wasn’t sure why, just that it felt right to be angry. Now keep in mind I didn’t make it a public scene – anger is one thing; letting the world see your anger firsthand quite another.

The way I look at it, anger is not a bad emotion – it inspires action. The blood pumping. The adrenaline racing. The senses heightened – that’s irreplaceable. Anger, so long as it’s under control, lets you experience things you would not have otherwise experienced, for good or for ill. And if it is “for ill,” then most likely it will be something from which you take a lesson or two.

The only trouble is that anger can be a crippling emotion, just like sadness. It can harm you as much as it harms the person at whom your anger is directed. So I’ve decided that if I let the anger come, embrace it with my full being, then let it go just as smoothly, I’m much better off in the end.

And I’ll be even better off when I find the punk that stole my money…

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